Whenever I’m sad and worried, I either go to sleep ’cause since I was a little kiddo I think that in some way sleep does solve my problems, or at least helps me to get over them.. or I go to party and by party I do not mean “lets get fucking freaking drunk aarrghhh” type of party necessarily , it can be just an geocaching event or something like a quiet afternoon with friends, drinking tea and eating raspberry cookies.. the idea is – I want to turn my brain out so I do not have to think about my personal problems. Sadly, it’s rarely a remedy to consider.. ’cause sleep always brings me nightmares but parties won’t shut voices up.. but it does help to get my problems on the ground level..so that I’m more concentrating on the things happening at the former level.
Today I acknowledged that my grandfather will have an operation on Thursday ’cause as you may or may not know he’s got a lung cancer. I’m worried ’cause he’s a huge man.. even with 2 lungs it was hard for him to do a lot of things.. but now.. that he’ll only have one lung left.. will he even be able to walk 200m without stopping to take a breath? I do not know.. nor do I know how to help him. Even though we’re not getting along as good as we’d have to.. we still love each other in our own way.. so I’m afraid of loosing him.
When the sleep did not help, I asked Sindija to come to Balerija a local alternative pub in Jelgava with me.. and after half an hour we were there..sitting and watching movies. The good thing about her is that.. you do not have to talk a lot. Silence is alright. So, Rid, if you’re reading this… thank you a lot for the company 🙂
It’s almost half5 in the morning.. I’ll have to go to my lectures in 3 hours.. do I want to go to sleep? Not really. But I have to. Lately I’m listening to punk music.. I guess that means I’m getting depressed. Wish me luck to behave myself.. I do not want to turn into the person I was 5 years ago, but it might happen.